I am so incredibly happy it’s Friday. This week has gone by so slowly and I’m happy it’s over and I can move on. Or I can forget it ever happened. Either way is fine by me. I just hope that today flies by. I can’t handle not having that much to do at work. Did the invoices. Making the deposit after lunch. Hopefully, taking more orders, but I highly doubt it will be enough to keep me busy. And I’ve read the majority of the articles on Foreignpolicy.com. I feel too rude to break out the magazine I have in my purse. Besides, that’s subway reading.
I’m not going to lie. Last night was difficult. Therapy was difficult. Getting to therapy was difficult. My anxiety is at the highest level it’s been in almost 5 years. It’s spilling over into the other parts of my life. I had to take a cab home last night because I was just too anxious. I felt a tad discombobulated leaving therapy. I talked a lot. Probably too much. My therapist brought up a subject that I’ve never spoken to anyone about. I practically freaked out about talking about talking about it. I don’t know how I’m ever going to actually talk about it. I know logically the only way I’m going to be able to really, truly leave this in my past is to talk about it. I think I’m afraid to give the memories a life through words. Then it’s out there. It really happened. And it happened to me. I won’t be able to deny or “forget.” I feel like I’m standing on a precipice and I don’t want talking about it to make me lose my footing. I need all the stability I can get.
Music has always been a huge part of keeping me sane. I listen to certain tracks to calm me down, to get me energized, to take me away. I can escape the hustle and bustle of New York City streets with my headphones on and walk to the beat. I can lose myself completely in the score. Part of is it the numbers. I can count out the phrases as if I were dancing/choreographing, or conducting. Or I can pick apart the harmonies. Both are just as fun. Quite honestly, nothing brings a smile more to my face when I hear a different part of the harmony I hadn’t heard before or if I finally notice it’s not in “normal” 4/4 or 3/4 time. I listen to a wide variety of music. And each song holds a special place in my heart, my body, and my soul. Music makes me smile.
Happy Friday! Enjoy!