Nothing Like A Mother

I don’t like Mother’s Day.  I understand that I’m lucky.  My mother is still alive.  And in all honesty, she was probably the driving force behind getting me.  However, that still doesn’t change the fact that she was never like a mother to me.  I’ve said many a times that my mother wanted a baby, but not a daughter.  She didn’t want me to have opinions, thought, or a personality of my own.  I think her thought was very much: Children should be seen and not heard.

Over the years, I’ve come to the realization that she did and is doing the best she can with what she was given.  My mom’s parents were/are awful.  They were racist and hateful.  Mainly to me and my dad.  Just because we are Hispanic and I’m adopted.  They weren’t nice.  And they didn’t even try hide it.

It really influenced how my mom treated me when we were with them.  It wasn’t nice either.  And I tried to tell her how she and her parents were acting, but she didn’t believe me.  I tried to tell her that I didn’t like going to visit them with her, but she never heard me.  Still doesn’t.  But I think everything I’ve said is finally starting to sink in when her mom didn’t want to come to my wedding.  The only one on that side of the family.  Yeah.  That made me feel real special.  A couple of years ago, I got a different haircut.  I went to go pick up my mom at the airport and she didn’t recognize me.  She still has to ask if I like certain foods or colors.  She just never really understood me.

On the other hand, my grandmother is the light of my life.  She’s my dad’s mom and treated me like her own.  She loved and listened to me.  She knows when I’m hurting.  I love her so much.  And as I’ve said for many years now, she is my mother.  I love her so.

Which now brings me to Mother’s Day.  I always have the hardest time finding the right card for my mom and grandmother.  Well, finding the right card for my grandmother is easy.  I just can’t send it to her.  Otherwise my mom will get jealous.  And the cards that just say “Happy Mother’s Day,” are few and far between.  I can’t get the gift I really want to get for my grandmother either.  Even though I’m an adult, it’s just so much easier to keep the peace.

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