I reached out to the CEO yesterday. All I did was ask her if she had been able to get a job description together for me. (When I last spoke to her, she said to give her two weeks. Two weeks is today.) That’s all I could ask without being pushy. She said she was focusing on a new director first and then she should be able to give me something.
A) I thought I was up for that position. And 2) I’m pretty sure you forgot that I have to give 45 days notice per my current contract. If you want me to start July 8, that deadline is this coming Monday.
I’m not going to leave my current work during an important part of the year. I told her this. Especially, since the company and my boss have always been very good to me. They are considerate and appreciative. So I’m not going to leave them high and dry in the middle of the important part. That’s not who I am.
I was excited about the prospect of having a career, not just a job. But I should have known better. I should have known something like this was going to happen. Something similar happened 6 years ago with her, so I shouldn’t have been surprised. And I shouldn’t have gotten my hopes up.
Then I wouldn’t be this disappointed.
I guess I need to start focusing on my application to start school in the fall. I am looking forward to it. But right now, it just doesn’t look as appealing as the new job would have. And here’s a funny thought–I was going to ask the CEO to write a recommendation for me. I don’t feel comfortable doing that now. This is sad, but I don’t feel comfortable volunteering for her organization anymore. I just can’t keep putting myself back in a situation where I get my hopes up, only to get knocked down again.
This is life though. Things don’t always go the way you want them to. I was hoping it would this time. I was hoping that I’d get to have a job that actually meant something to me. I was hoping for a job where I was busy utilizing my skill set and knowledge. I was hoping this was going to be the start of a new chapter in my journey. I shouldn’t have hoped for any of those things.
I know I will be okay. But right now, I’d like to spend some time not being okay.