I decided to take a mental health day today. With a little prompting from my husband, I called in sick to work. I just needed an extra day off and I have more than enough vacation days to do so. This is a huge accomplishment for me. Even last year, I would have just sucked it up and gone to work, completely ignoring my needs. This is a huge step in the direction of recovery. And I need all the steps I can take.
I’m trying really hard not to use staying home as an excuse to restrict all day. It would be so easy to just fall into the trap because since I’m not really doing anything, I don’t need to eat as much. But I rationally know that’s not true.
I struggled during breakfast. It was hard to eat everything. But I just went slow and kept going. I felt so uncomfortable and anxious afterwards; like I didn’t do anything to deserve to eat. I had to keep reminding myself that the feeling would pass. Over and over again. I played games on my phone, too. And you know what? The uncomfortable/anxiety feelings did pass.
Now, I just have to remind myself that the feelings did pass. I don’t immediately need to go purge because I feel bad. With some distraction and reminders, I’ll be okay. I don’t have to immediately resort to eating disordered behaviors.
Now, I just have to deal with dinner, a snack, and dinner the same way.
I can do this.