Last week, I witnessed a pretty traumatic event. At least, I think it was traumatic. I don’t think I realized how much I numb myself out or how natural it is until this weekend. Those I’ve told are in disbelief and seem a lot more emotional than I. I can register that it was serious and most wouldn’t know what to do in a similar situation or would ever find themselves facing it. But I’ve also distanced myself far from it.
I am anxious about what happened. And I’m anxious that I’m not responding “correctly” about it. I’m obsessing about it–trying to find all the articles I can on line. I’m trying not to think about it. But it pops up at random times. I try to remind myself of details, but then I stop myself. The more I think about it, the more anxious I get. But I can’t stop thinking about it.
Well, I can. Because that’s when I start to numb myself out.
I’m not sure how to handle the situation.
I’m not sure how I’m supposed to react.
I’m not sure when it becomes okay to talk about it.
I’m not sure I’m not going to have the images flash through my mind.
I’m not sure when I’m going to be okay about this.