Please Don’t Blame Me

I want with my husband to pick out a new suit today. We’ve had this coupon from Men’s Wearhouse since we got married last November. He was supposed to get it way back then, but he has procrastinated until now. I’ve brought it up several times since then, but he always said he didn’t the money if the suit went over the coupon price. I get that. I totally do. Money is really tight right now. His new job helps a lot, but he’s playing catch up on bills and loans he underpaid while unemployed. So it was definitely a surprise when he brought up going for the suit today.

At the store, I told the sales person we needed to keep within the coupon budget and even asked for further discounts. I know what sales people can do. I am one and I know I’ll make the occasional exception for someone. The sales person pulled out a very nice three piece suit and it fit my husband like a glove. Absolutely perfect and almost no tailoring needed. Except the price was a bit more than the coupon. I asked my husband if he was alright with paying more and he said he was.

When it came time to pay, I was slightly shocked at the final price. I was quickly trying to figure out if there was a cheaper place to do the alterations. And I asked my husband again if he was okay paying that amount. And again, he said he was.

Imagine my surprise when once we’re outside he gets sullen and quiet. I ask what’s wrong and he then he proceeds to tell me how is account with be overdrawn, but it’s okay because he gets paid on Monday. I’m sorry, but that’s not okay. And now I’m upset and quiet because he’s not being open with me financially. (This is a huge issue for me.)

At home, it all comes out. He blames me for not helping him at the store–he doesn’t know about the style/fit and thought I would help him out more. I’m upset that he didn’t say anything about money before we left.

He’s always so confident and likes to take charge. He doesn’t accept my help very often. And when he does it’s for something very trivial. I didn’t know he wanted me to help him more. I tried at the store and he puts his fingers over my mouth to quiet me down. So I didn’t say much after that. How could I have helped him more if he didn’t ask?

I know it’s difficult to ask for help. I have a very hard time myself. And we’ve had many fights because I don’t ask for help and I just expect him to help me. He says he’s not a mind reader and that I need to ask. Yet, here we are and the situation is reversed and he expects me to know he wants help? How is that okay?

I’m just angry that he blames me for this whole thing. That I was the one who pushed for the suit and didn’t help more and didn’t speak up. I asked him repeatedly if he was okay with paying more and he kept telling me yes. How am I supposed to know that yes really meant no?

If he just would have told me this morning that he didn’t have any extra money, or just said no instead if yes, we wouldn’t have this problem right now.

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