My Mother and I

My mother arrived yesterday for a visit.  A two and a half week visit.  It wasn’t supposed to be this long.  It wasn’t even supposed to be her visiting.  I’m ready to pull my hair out already.

We really only started getting along last year and even so, I’ve only been able to handle her in small-ish doses.  I don’t know how this is going to go.

She just asks too many questions.  All about my soon to be ex and our relationship.  I’m done talking about him.  I’m tired of talking about him.  It just brings up all these feelings and I don’t want to feel them.  And I immediately start thinking of ways not to feel anything.

I really want to binge and purge.  I feel like I’ve eaten too much yesterday and today and I should take laxatives tonight and make sure to restrict the rest of the evening and tomorrow.  I just want everything out.

I want it all out.

I can’t stand being in my skin anymore.  I can’t stand my thoughts anymore.

I just want out.

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