I should be studying right now. Between work and being sick, I have so much reading to catch up on, but I haven’t even made a dent. I can’t seem to concentrate long enough to even get started. I just have all these thoughts going through my head. It’s too loud to sit and read. The eating disorder thoughts and urges are just plaguing me.
i want to restrict to make up the damage from my binge the other night. i haven’t binged like that in a really long time. but since i didn’t purge, i need to fix the damage some other way. i should have taken laxatives, but with my digestive issues acting up this weekend, i really didn’t need to. as much as i hate dealing with the digestive issues, it helps the number on the scale go down. i should probably eat something because i haven’t eaten since this morning, but i don’t really want to. i don’t need to eat any more today. i’ve had more than enough.
I hate myself so much for having those thoughts–those thoughts that don’t let me do anything else except play stupid games on my computer. Why can’t I just push through and get stuff done? I need to be able to push through.