Nothing to Do

So I’ve had a particularly busy summer so far. I took a summer class, which was great. I learned a lot, but had to work hard too. I was a bit stressed, but definitely busy.

After the class was over, we had to prepare for the start of the selling season. That took a lot of time and work actually during work hours.

And now? Although the selling season is still going on for the next month, I don’t really have anything to do at work. School doesn’t start until September. What am I supposed to do until then?

I have a three day weekend coming up. Barely three hours into it and I’m already bored. Me + being bored is NOT a good combination. I tend to intensely engage in eating disorder behaviours. And I really don’t want to do that this weekend.

I have plans for both lunch and dinner tomorrow with friends. This will be good because I will get out of the house and at least attempt “normalcy.” But it brings out a lot of anxiety. Where are we going? What am I going to eat? Will I be able to resist the urge to purge afterwards?

I so don’t understand why I can’t seem to do this on my own. Why do I have to have plans with someone in order to actually take care of myself. I should be able to do this on my own. “Normal”people really don’t have a problem with feeding themselves.

Why is it such a struggle for me?