Extended Family Woes

I’m not very close with my mother’s side of the family. They’ve never really been open towards me. And I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that my dad and I are Hispanic. But they would never admit to that.

I kinda had this all figured out by the time I was 11, so I’ve had plenty of time to be angry, hurt, and resentful of it. I’ve also managed to work through these feelings and thoughts in therapy. I understand this has nothing to do with me. They were brought up differently and have different values and moral. I’m not faulting them that at all.

My mother has denied this for years. Years, I tell you. Up until about 4 months ago when she finally began to see things with her own two eyes. And it hurt her. A lot. Her family also started treating her poorly. And I think that was the catalyst for her. And she’s hurt. The other day my dad found her crying over the way her sisters have been treating her and the fact that I wasn’t invited to a cousin’s baby shower.

When my mom told me she got an invitation, and I hadn’t, I knew I had been left out. But I hadn’t been expecting to get invited in the first place. And I was okay with that. I spent years being okay with not being included in events on her side of the family. This was nothing new. I didn’t even think about it. It was barely a blip on my radar.

Then the phone call came last night. A different cousin left a long winded and very unnecessary voice mail.

Hi D! This cousin J. I was just calling because I wanted to let you know I had your wrong address. And I didn’t realize. I didn’t want you to think you weren’t invited. I don’t have any extra invitations so this is your formal invite. It’s going to be in June, in a different state. Hope you can make it. RSVP. Call me back and let me know. Bye.

This message is what gets me angry. It’s like carving out a wound on my arm when there was nothing there in the first place. She didn’t have to call. It’s not like anyone actually wants me there. I’m just really angry she made this call. Why? To make herself feel like a good person? I wish just would have left well enough alone. Then I wouldn’t be feeling like this.

I so want to tell the whole lot of them what I really think of them. But to spare my mother any more pain and not sink to their level and not waste my time and energy, I won’t. But I did manage to rearrange by Facebook privacy settings to longer include them. They don’t need to know what goes on in my life. I am happy with the extended family (irl and online) that I have created.