Time passing. Time looming. Time standing still.
This time. Next time. All the time. Not enough time.
I sit and I wait–trying to be present in the moment. My thoughts race ahead of me, too fast to catch on.
I need more time with my grandmother. I need to work on the power point presentation for work. I need to make sure of my schedule for the fall semester. I need to get a new notebook for work. I need to look at keyboards and cases for my ipad. I need to make too many truffles this weekend. And I need to pick up more small boxes. Why did I say I would do all that? There’s no getting out of it now. I’m so stupid for saying I would. I don’t want to see my therapist again this week. I already saw her once. I don’t need to see her a second time. I need to be an adult about this. I need to get over this shit. I can do thisonmyown. Igotmyselfintothismessinthefirstplacesoit’suptometogetmyselfout. IknowwhatIneedtodo. Whycan’tIjustgetovermyselfandDOIT? WHYCAN’TIDOIT?
There’s more, but I can’t catch it. My mind feels out of breath. I need my head to slow down.
s l o w d o w n.
But I can’t. I have to keep going. The more I have going on outside, the quieter it gets on the inside. I need it quiet in my head. But it all gets to be too much.
From Possibility to Actuality 