It’s All About Time

Time passing.  Time looming.  Time standing still.

This time.  Next time.  All the time.  Not enough time.

I sit and I wait–trying to be present in the moment.  My thoughts race ahead of me, too fast to catch on.

I need more time with my grandmother.  I need to work on the power point presentation for work.  I need to make sure of my schedule for the fall semester.  I need to get a new notebook for work.  I need to look at keyboards and cases for my ipad.  I need to make too many truffles this weekend.  And I need to pick up more small boxes.  Why did I say I would do all that?  There’s no getting out of it now.  I’m so stupid for saying I would.  I don’t want to see my therapist again this week.  I already saw her once.  I don’t need to see her a second time.  I need to be an adult about this.  I need to get over this shit.  I can do thisonmyown.  Igotmyselfintothismessinthefirstplacesoit’suptometogetmyselfout.  IknowwhatIneedtodo.  Whycan’tIjustgetovermyselfandDOIT? WHYCAN’TIDOIT?

There’s more, but I can’t catch it.  My mind feels out of breath.  I need my head to slow down.

s l o w d o w n.

But I can’t.  I have to keep going.  The more I have going on outside, the quieter it gets on the inside.  I need it quiet in my head.  But it all gets to be too much.

 

 

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