Mother’s Day

I’m lucky.  I have three mothers.

1. My grandmother.  She helped raise me and was there for me.  She taught me basic math and how to nourish my body.  She taught me how to love.
2. My adoptive mother.  Even though we fight and don’t always get along, I know she’s doing the best she can with what she has.  I know she loves me.
3. My birth mother.  This woman made (what I see as) the ultimate sacrifice because she knew she couldn’t provide for me.

I know very little of my birth mother.  I know her name, that I’m the youngest of 7 (at the time), and the circumstances in her home probably weren’t good.  I have often wondered how a mother can make such a decision.  It must take such strength to be that unselfish and I am so incredibly grateful.  I may have had ups and downs (and who doesn’t?), but on the whole, I’ve had an amazing life with wonderful experiences.  I am where/who I am today, partially because of her.

Not only did my parents want a child, but, honestly, I was probably brought into the picture to save my parents’ marriage.  I’m okay with that.  My mother was willing to have a child that was not of her flesh or blood and love and raise it as her own.  There is something beautiful in that.  She was/is so willing.  And that’s beautiful.  She taught me a family isn’t always about the bloodlines, and often times, it has nothing to do with it.

I truly feel that my grandmother is my saving grace.  I know of unconditional love because of her.  I know how to do things passionately because of her.  I know how to speak Spanish and make a kick ass ceviche because of her.  She is beautiful.

I give thanks for each of these women.  And the women who came before them.  I am stronger and wiser because of you.

To anyone who is a mother, or who has taken on the role, Happy Mother’s Day!

Nothing Like A Mother

I don’t like Mother’s Day.  I understand that I’m lucky.  My mother is still alive.  And in all honesty, she was probably the driving force behind getting me.  However, that still doesn’t change the fact that she was never like a mother to me.  I’ve said many a times that my mother wanted a baby, but not a daughter.  She didn’t want me to have opinions, thought, or a personality of my own.  I think her thought was very much: Children should be seen and not heard.

Over the years, I’ve come to the realization that she did and is doing the best she can with what she was given.  My mom’s parents were/are awful.  They were racist and hateful.  Mainly to me and my dad.  Just because we are Hispanic and I’m adopted.  They weren’t nice.  And they didn’t even try hide it.

It really influenced how my mom treated me when we were with them.  It wasn’t nice either.  And I tried to tell her how she and her parents were acting, but she didn’t believe me.  I tried to tell her that I didn’t like going to visit them with her, but she never heard me.  Still doesn’t.  But I think everything I’ve said is finally starting to sink in when her mom didn’t want to come to my wedding.  The only one on that side of the family.  Yeah.  That made me feel real special.  A couple of years ago, I got a different haircut.  I went to go pick up my mom at the airport and she didn’t recognize me.  She still has to ask if I like certain foods or colors.  She just never really understood me.

On the other hand, my grandmother is the light of my life.  She’s my dad’s mom and treated me like her own.  She loved and listened to me.  She knows when I’m hurting.  I love her so much.  And as I’ve said for many years now, she is my mother.  I love her so.

Which now brings me to Mother’s Day.  I always have the hardest time finding the right card for my mom and grandmother.  Well, finding the right card for my grandmother is easy.  I just can’t send it to her.  Otherwise my mom will get jealous.  And the cards that just say “Happy Mother’s Day,” are few and far between.  I can’t get the gift I really want to get for my grandmother either.  Even though I’m an adult, it’s just so much easier to keep the peace.